


pastlife trauma

by melanchxlyy_tragedy



Series: the past life project [2]
Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Suicide Attempts, This Is Sad, poor boy, this is also known as the arm incident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:20:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29695635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanchxlyy_tragedy/pseuds/melanchxlyy_tragedy
Summary: loki bondevik has to deal with pastlife trauma. give the man some class-a amnestics.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationships - Relationship
Series: the past life project [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182281
Kudos: 3





	pastlife trauma

Why is it that everyone forgets their past life? It's as if the soul doesn't care about its own backstory. We would all be much more careful if we remembered how we died before, so we don't make the same mistakes again. We'd be so much better off knowing how we died, right?

Well.. not really. See, there was a person who remembered _everything._ How they died originally, and how that death affected them now. How it ruined their life, and messed up everything for them.

Yes, this person was none other than Loki Bondevik, who would smile non-stop and talk to whoever bothered to listen, and if something were to mildly upset him, would burn it down. But lately, he had been getting less happy, and more.. Troubled.

His past life wasn't the greatest. And for some reason, he remembered it all. _Stupid, stupid Frances!_ How he got into an argument with his father, and didn't pay attention to his job at the factory the next day for being so angry. How he accidentally forgot to turn off a machine... and how a little flame that sparked touched wood, and caught the whole machinery on fire.. and how he was caught in the fire and died.. _it's all that idiot's fault!_

Most importantly.. that the other workers tried to save him. That woman who was looking at him with her green eyes, shaking him and telling him to wake up.. she died on that day too, didn't she? Through blurry vision, he saw her collapse. _Rosalind... my Linda.._

He couldn't even tell her to run.. he was gone by then.

Why did he choose to remember that? Why did he have to get the same nightmare every night? Why wake up in tears, and fake a smile every morning?

If only it was just that. Maybe then he would tolerate it. But it didn't stop there, of course not..

From a young age, he suffered from pyromania... _figures. Just what I needed, a reminder of my past._

To top it all off, he found the girl who used to be Rosalind. Her name was even prettier now.. _Margarita Heartwell..._ but there was something wrong with her. She was blind in one eye, and was very clingy. _But who can blame her? Can she remember her past life too? Maybe.. maybe she just doesn't want to lose me again?_

And yet he didn't want to live. Even though he found her. He'd find a spell book and summon a mythical creature that would kill him, and the next day, Margarita would recite a spell to bring him back.. _Ah, right.. Stavanger has magic in her blood.. stupid me._

Once, she told him she had a nightmare that his soul was scattered in different worlds. Loki told her to stop reading so many stories before bedtime, and passed it off as her imagination. But in reality.. he wanted that to happen to him. _Maybe then I'd be happy, if I didn't have a soul._

_...But I can't get rid of my soul. I have to live with it... so I just won't live._

It was snowing outside, definitely below freezing. The ground was covered in beautiful white, and the skies were gray.

The young man with fluffy red hair put on a coat and walked outside, going to the river, hoping nobody would follow him.

_Nobody wants me here. Suck it up._

The lake was frozen, but not completely. It was the exact temperature that ice is just a thin layer, and one wrong move would leave the person in the cold water.

And he walked right up to it, a smile plastered on his face as usual, though his violet eyes were filled with tears. _I'm sorry, everyone. I'm a terrible person, aren't I?_

He took one step into the river. The ice sparkled and shined, but didn't make a crack. He took another step forward, and the see-through, glasslike material started to break.

Loki giggled and kept walking, knowing that the further he goes, the deeper the water would be. And it's clear that the deeper the water is, the colder...

The ice shattered, and he fell right in. It was freezing, _freezing._ And wait.. was it moving quicker than usual? Was this a current?

Currents lead to whirlpools... _this was a perfect death._

He let himself go, not even trying to save himself. _Who needs someone like me on this planet? I'm nothing but a nuisance._

_In the end it seems like no one really wants each other._

\----

The clock in Loki's room read 2:25. _Great. I'm waking up at ungodly hours again._

The boy with fluffy red hair and violet eyes sighed and tried to fall asleep again. His skin was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes- he _definitely_ needed rest.

Why though? Why was he still alive, after everything he went through? He tried to kill himself a few days ago, and some stupid person passing by decided it would be just _great_ to rescue him, get him out of that freezing river before he gets sucked into the whirlpool and drowns.

_Couldn't they see I didn't want to live? Why did they have to save me? Is it to brag to others that they saved a life? Well that life didn't want to exist in the first place._

He got away with just a cold, not even pneumonia. _Just a cold? I can't even get sick right! I'm disgusting!_

Since he had nothing to do, and couldn't sleep, Loki decided to wake up and go downstairs, lighting a candle so he could see better. _Fire... fire is so pretty.. but terrifying. I wonder what would happen if I rested my hand over this candle?_

He smiled the slightest amount, curiosity in his eyes as he moved his hand closer to the flame. The burning sensation stung in pain, but he ignored it, thinking that the light was beautiful. _Maybe the pretty light can take away my terrible hand and make it pretty._

He kept watching the flames lick at his hand, palm, fingers, wrist, then up his arm... _Why am I not bleeding yet? Why is it taking so long to be in pain?_

 _Enough._ He moved his hand away, going to the cabinet. _Maybe there are some pills here or something..?_

He checked and sure enough, he found a container. _A quick and painless death..?_ As soon as he opened it, he had a better idea, though.

_The knives..._

One of his arms - the left one, up to his elbow - was completely covered in a third-degree burn. _I thought it would have been beautiful by now. Guess I can just get rid of it._ And with that, he grabbed one of the knives from the cupboard and grazed the blade over his hand, trying to build up the courage to completely cut it off. It took him.. perhaps three or four minutes before he could bravely sever his arm with the cleaver, the bones coming undone with a satisfying _snap._

The blood spilled everywhere, both Loki's shirt and the knife getting covered in the dark red liquid.

He smiled. Finally, he'd suffer the way he deserved to. Walking up to a mirror, the knife still in his right hand, he moved the knife up to his cheek, wondering if he should carve something into his face so people could at least think his dead body was beautiful and not completely worthless.

_A heart, perhaps?_

Ah yes, that would do. A heart, with a flame surrounding it. He started humming a tune while finishing up his "artwork."

_Who cares about bones? You know that they'll be broken._

_Bleeding wounds will heal, cries are better left unspoken._

The song seemed so familiar... wasn't this what he sang to [name unknown] when he first met her? Ah... who was that girl?

_Even if you die, somebody will remember_

_Just how brave you were, risk your life to save another._

Back then, he was still sane.. And now, he can't even finish his own life.

_Trapped in dark blue mist..._

In the morning, there was nothing left of him, but a crimson, mutilated body only slightly resembling the original Loki Bondevik. 


End file.
